Our Little Dorothy

So I broke down and let Ally try on her costume and of course I took pics....

I know....Be jealous....This child is that dang awesome!

Jonah

I dont know if I have ever talked about Jonah or his parents here on my blog, but let me just say that this little boy is amazing. His Mom, Patrice is pretty awesome too. As a mother who has lost a child, that is hard all alone and then to have a child that needs the special care that Jonah requires....well lets just say, Patrice is a very strong woman and I pray for them each and every day. If you guys get the time, check out her blog and please continue to keep them in your prayers.

**The link to their blog is on my side bar over there ------->>>>> **

Random Pics That I Want to Share :)

Let me just remind you guys again, I love being a Mommy :)

Fall is officially here!

So I feel like I really need to get this out....WOOOOHOOOO 9 more weeks baby! Adalyn will be born in the fall so this is all starting to fall into place. We have so much going on in October that November will be here before we know it. My next doctor's appointment is next Tuesday and after that, I will be going every 2 weeks. Oh yeah, getting down to the wire!!!!

I went this morning for my gestational diabetes screening and as always, it was gross. That drink tastes like Tang with wayyyyyy to much sugar. Needless to say, I felt high afterwards and I honestly believe Adalyn was doing cartwheels. I now have indigestion and this girl in the office is eating leftover Japanese and I think I'm gonna throw up any minute now. Yay for pregnancy symptoms!

We had our company picnic Saturday and we had a blast. Johnathon and I got our butts kicked in the first round of the corn hole tournament, but we did have a pretty cool team name. It was "Triple A". If you don't get it, it stands for Ally, Ava, & Adalyn. We were supposed to have the picnic at Triad Park, but the rain made that impossible so it was at the warehouse. Fun times and of course, we cant wait until next year.

Before I forget, Ally's Halloween costume came in on Friday and I think I am more excited than she is! It is a handmade Dorothy (Wizard of Oz) costume and it is soo adorable. We went to Target and got her "Ruby Slippers" and she is officially pumped. She will be wearing the costume this weekend when we go to the Land of Oz as well. So exciting!!

What Makes A Mother

Today has been a rough day. I miss my Ava so much. Its rainy outside and I just want to go to bed. Reading this poem always makes me feel a little better because it reassures me that Ava is with me.

What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here
He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you
So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

I Love You, Grandpa!!

Today marks 6 years since you have been gone. Oh how I wish you were here, but I know that you are taking care of my sweet Ava in Heaven (Give her hugs and many kisses for me). I know that you and Ally would have a blast together. I see so much of me in her and I know that you guys would have hit it off from the start. I hope that you are proud of me and what I have become. I love and miss you tons!!!

Grandpa's Little Pal,
Jennifer

RIP Black Jack -- 2/1/35 to 9/14/03

26 weeks....

Man, where has the time gone? I'm 26 weeks today and I feel wonderful. Adalyn has been so active lately and I love it (Other than when it feels like one of her limbs are about to make an exit). When we went for my 25 week check up on Tuesday, she was right at 2 lbs and looking great. I just cant believe that we only have about 11 weeks to go before we meet this little girl. I cant wait. I bought her some cute clothes for next spring/summer yesterday from Babies R Us. One onsie in particular is already a favorite of mine. It is a simple white onsie with "Rainbow" on it. Adalyn will be our "Rainbow Baby" and I thank God each and every day for her and she's not even here yet. For those of you that are wondering what exactly a "Rainbow Baby" is, I'll let you in on the little secret. "Rainbow Babies" are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of life has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds still may hover, but the rainbow providers a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

I go in the next couple of weeks for my Gestational Diabetes test. I am really nervous about this because I honestly think that I do have GD and that's why I have been gaining 6 lbs for the past 2 months. Whenever I mention my horrible weight gain, people keep telling me not to worry about it because I'm pregnant. To me this isn't normal because I never gained over 15 lbs with Ally or Ava so I don't know what to think about it. Studies have shown that GD links to stillbirth as well.....Maybe I developed GD later on in my pregnancy with Ava? I'm going to try to eat extra healthy for the next couple of weeks and see if it makes a difference. Don't worry, I'm not gonna starve myself, just cut back on sugars and all this dang Mexican food. :o)

Labor Day Weekend

So I'm going to go ahead and post because it's Sunday already and I plan on a fun filled day tomorrow with my Ally. I really needed this 3 day weekend. I feel like I dont get to spend any time with John or Ally. We always stay so busy. It feels so routine...Come home, cook dinner, clean, bath time, and then bed time. We dont get to play or really do much of anything. Now that Ally is in dance though, that gives her something of her own and that's what we wanted. Something that is all hers and when Adalyn gets here, she doesnt have to share that.

Speaking of Adalyn, we got another 3D ultrasound done yesterday. We got some decent pics, but she still wasnt in the best position. She was literally in a ball. Hands, legs/feet, cord, anything that could be in front of her face was there. Last week, we were pretty sure that she was going to look like me....well count that out. That Finney nose is there. So far, she looks alot like Ally and Ava did around this time. That's fine with me though. We make some beautiful girls.

I broke down and bought my Nikon D40. Man, I love that thing. Go ahead and expect tons of pics from now on because I am one picture taking fool already plus a camera that is friggen awesome! Oh, yeah, you guys are definitely in for it.

We have a birthday party to go to today after church and I am pretty pumped. A friend's little girl is turning 5 and they are having her party at the skating rink. Do you have any idea how many memories I have at that very same skating rink? Oh, and guess what? Because of all of those memories, my girls are not allowed to go there until they are 18....LOL just kidding! For real though, half of my stories from growing up have something to do with that place. This will be Ally's very first time skating so go ahead and expect pics (Did I mention I now have a pretty sweet camera?).

2009 Annual Walk to Remember

As some of you may know, we are involved in Heartstrings Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group. This wonderful organization offers group support, one-to-one support for those with similar losses through its Connections program, and online support. They also offer subsequent pregnancy support. All of their programs are available free to anyone who has lost a baby from conception to one year of age. In addition, they also provide education and communication to caregivers and professionals to help them better understand how pregnancy and infant loss affects families.

For those of you that do not know our story, we found out that we were pregnant with Ava 11/8/07. We were ecstatic when we found out that we were going to have Ally a little " Sissy" and couldn't wait for her arrival. The nursery was absolutely beautiful and I couldn't wait to rock Ava to sleep in her new home. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I had several signs of labor and every time something would kick in, I would go to the doctor's office to be sent home stating everything was fine. The Friday night before we delivered Ava, my contractions came every 3-5 minutes. We went to L&D and were told that my contractions were actually sporadic and were 1-5 minutes apart. I was fine and the baby was fine so they sent me home. Sunday night I was reading a book and Ava was moving around and kicking so much that I couldn't even concentrate. I didn't think much about it, I just rubbed my growing belly and went to bed. Monday, I went to work and by 10:30 or so I realized that I hadn't felt her move. I called the doctor and they told me to drink a Mt Dew and to call them back if I still hadn't felt her move. After I drank the Mt Dew I could have sworn that I felt her move so I didn't think anything else about it. Tuesday morning I woke up when my husband was getting ready to leave for work and I told him that I was going to go back to the doctor to see what was going on. He said okay and to call him after I got out. Well little did I know what was about to happen. I went into the doctor and the nurse went to hook me up to the NST and there was no sound at all. There was no sound of the placenta and no heartbeat. The nurse didn't panic, but I did and I knew something had gone wrong. The nurse took me to get an ultrasound and that is when my nightmare was confirmed. My Ava had passed and I was all alone in this cold doctor's office with no one. Just me and my baby. They called Johnathon to meet me there and we cried together for a long time. The thought of delivering Ava hadn't even crossed my mind until they said that they would induce me that day. The walk from the parking deck to the hospital was the longest in my life. There was a car seat and a diaper bag in the back ready to be used and that would never happen. Ava Morgan Finney was born at 2:17am on July 16, 2008. She was 9lbs 22 in long and perfect. I held her all night and just told her how much I loved her. I memorized every detail of her body so I would never forget how beautiful she was. Ava's death was listed as an unexplained stillbirth so we do not have an actual cause.

When we lost Ava, Heartstrings provided validation for our loss and came alongside us in our grief. On October 10, 2009, we will have the opportunity to walk in Heartstrings Fifth Annual A Walk to Remember to honor our daughter that grew her wings too soon. We are asking you to support us as we walk for Ava and help to provide funding for Heartstrings to reach out to other families in their time of need. In doing so, you will pass along the hope and love that we received at such a desperate time in our lives,

Please send your donations to us at 1986 Union Cross Road, Winston-Salem, NC (Or you can give to me directly) and we will present them to Heartstrings in honor of Ava on the day of the Walk. You can make checks payable to Heartstrings Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support with Ava Morgan Finney on the memo line.

Thank you for remembering our family and honoring our little girl.

Ally's 1st Observation Class

Last night was the first night that we were actually able to watch Ally's dance class and she did great. It took her about 10 minutes to warm up to everybody, but when she did, it was on. She loves the tumbling part and tap. We are so excited for her!