So This is It

In just a couple of hours, John and I will be heading to the hospital to start our induction. I am a nervous wreck and for some reason, at this moment, I cannot stop crying. I feel Ava so close to me today so I know she is watching over her baby sister.

Ally is taking her nap on the couch and it is so quiet in here. I am trying to soak it all up because I know these moments are going to be few and far between in just a matter of time. I cant wait though. I cant wait to see Ally's face when she meets Adalyn for the first time. She is so excited and is so eager to help out with her. I'm sure she will do a great job.

I want to take the time out to say Thank You to each and every one of you that has kept me and my family in your thoughts and prayers this pregnancy. Losing Ava was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and the anxiety of this pregnancy has been unreal. I just want to hear Adalyn cry....I want to feel her chest rise and fall with every breath...See her little eyes open for the very first time. To many people, this isn't asking for much, but for me....well this means everything to me. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Pray that my very next post is announcing the birth of our healthy beautiful little girl. Hugs to you all!

Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for this year, but to sum it up....

My 3 beautiful girls: Ally, for being the coolest 3 year old I know. Thank you for bringing joy to my life every single day. Ava, for someone who tiptoed their way into this world, you taught me so much about love. I love and miss you baby girl. Last, but not least, Adalyn...You aren't even here yet, but you have taught me so much about patience. I can't wait to meet you baby!

My wonderful husband: Johnathon, if it wasn't for your amazing strength, I wouldn't be able to make it through each day. You are my back bone and I look forward to growing old with you.

God has been good to me and even though sometimes things don't go as planned, he makes sure we are taken care of. I cannot thank him enough.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I Know, Its Been A While...

I try not to go too long in between posts, but please understand that I am exhausted. By the time I think about posting, I look at the clock and I'm ready for bed. My nerves are shot and I feel like I'm going to literally tip over when I stand up. :o)

Not too much has happened in a week. My appointment with Dr. Jacobs last week was pretty productive. He layed out the plans for my induction which have changed just a little. Instead of me checking in the hospital on December 1st, I will be checking in November 30th and Adalyn will be born on December 1st. She will not be sharing her birthday with her Maw Maw after all. I had my Group B Strep test and while he was doing that, he went ahead and checked to see if I was dilated any....To my surprise, I was a whole 1/2 cm! Anybody that knows me, knows that I don't dilate much on my own so this was HUGE news to me HAHA.

Saturday night, Johnathon and I went and seen New Moon. This was our last date night before we meet Miss. Adalyn. The movie was great to say the least. I could go broke paying to see that movie over and over again. Edward Cullen....Well lets just say....That man is something else. :o)

I have been having contractions on and off since Sunday morning. We'll see today at my doctor's appointment if they have been productive at all. Today, Dr. Jacobs will give us the final plans for next week so we can get everything in order. It's hard to believe that in just a week, I will be holding Adalyn...

Here We Are...

Today marks 35 weeks. I can honestly say that unlike my two previous pregnancies, this one has drug by. The next 2 weeks will be the longest of my life. Here lately, every time I feel Adalyn move, I just sigh in relief. I don't know if my nerves will be able to handle the next couple of weeks. Adalyn will start moving a whole lot getting herself situated or whatever she does in there and I start to panic. The last movement that I felt of Ava's was like that and sometimes I feel like that was her fighting for her life. I have so many emotions running around at one time that I don't know whether or not I am coming or going. I just cant wait to hold Adalyn and tell her just how special she is.

Starting tomorrow, I will have doctor appointments 3 times a week. Hopefully, this will help things go by a little faster, but I highly doubt it. I do know that if Dr. Jacobs decides to put delivery off any longer than December 2nd, I will flip out. He can move it up a little earlier, but no later. I will personally check myself into some kind of facility that deals with outraged pregnant women.

Everything is pretty much ready for Adalyn's arrival though. Her room is ready, clothes are washed, diaper bag packed, my bag is packed (for the most part), bottles have been washed, the swing and bouncy chair are out....her Christmas presents are even wrapped! I think I just want to do a good thorough cleaning of the house one more time before I check in the hospital. I know once we get home, people are going to be running in and out visiting and I'm not going to feel like cleaning.

Well I have a 3 year old that insist on using the computer, so I guess this is it for now. I have some cute pics that I need to post, but have been too lazy to even upload. I promise though, they will be here soon. :)

A Mother's Love

I didn't have to look into your eyes
to fall in love with you.
I didn't have to hear your cry
to know you loved me too.
I didn't need to hold your hand
to cherish you always,
Within my womb, we shared our hearts.
You touched my soul.
You sweetened my spirit.
You gave me memories I'll always hold dear.
Yes, my heart aches since you departed too soon.
But A Mother's Love does not end with death.
For you are my child;
Forever my love is yours.

Ava, I love and miss you more than you will ever know. I look forward to the day that I get to hold you again. Not a day goes by that I'm not thinking of you.

XOXOXO,
Mommy

Still Hangin' in There!

Just wanted to check in. I'm still here; exhausted, but I'm here. In exactly 3 weeks, we will be checking into Forsyth Medical Center to have Adalyn. I am getting so anxious that I cannot even see straight. I'm thinking that's the reason why I am so tired. I'm getting sleep, but not the you're knocked the hell out kind of sleep. I have been doing alot of tossing and turning, getting up to pee, that sort of thing. Gotta love it. I just keep telling myself that my body is just preparing for the sleepless nights to come. Even though it sounds so dreadful, I cannot wait. I just keep picturing the moment to come when we are in the delivery room, Adalyn is out safely and I hear her cry for the first time. It is going to be the most beautiful sound ever and I guarantee that I will be the proudest mama ever. 21 more days.....

Ally has been talking about Ava alot lately. I don't mind at all because I want Ava to be a part of Ally's life. Whatever it takes for her to remember Ava, I want that. I'm in such a fragile state right now that I cry over everything, but listening to Ally talk about Ava in such an innocent manor breaks my heart. Ally and I were at home on Sunday hanging out while John was at work and Ally looks up at me with a look of frustration. I could tell she was about to ask me a question so I said, "what's up baby?". She said, "Mommy, does Jesus have parachutes?". I didn't think I heard her right so I asked her to repeat herself. She stated the same thing again. I said, "well Ally, why would Jesus need parachutes?". She says, "I was hoping he would let Ava borrow one so she could come down here and we could see her." Needless to say, I lost it. Here is a child that is not even 4 years old trying to come up with ways to see her sister that she never got to really meet. When we lost Ava, everything was such a blur. I didn't know if it was a good idea for Ally to see Ava so John and I decided against it. Now, over a year later, I kick myself for it. I feel like I was unfair to Ally and I cant give that back to her now. All I can tell her for now is that we'll see her again one day and what a sweet reunion it will be.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers over the next 3 weeks. I am a nervous wreck and John and Ally are having to put up with me. I'm so on edge and the only thing that's going to cure it is to hold Adalyn and look into her eyes. I haven't held a baby since I last held Ava. It will be so bittersweet, but worth it in the end. Thanks again!

33 Weeks!!!!!!!!!!

So its official, exactly 1 month 'til I check into the hospital to have baby girl! Its super crazy how time has just flown by. I know these last 4 weeks are going to drag though. My nerves have had enough and I am freaking out every time I turn around. Oh, speaking of turning around....guess who flipped yesterday and is currently breech? Oh yeah, you guessed it...Miss. Adalyn herself. I couldn't believe it. Actually, you know, nothing surprises me anymore with my children. All 3 of them have all been stubborn just like their mama :).

I really did have more to say, but my mind just went blank. I'm going to blame it on this time change. I was ready to go to bed at 6:30. Lets just keep it at "YAY, 4 weeks to go" and we are counting down. My bag is packed (for the most part), her car seat is in the car, her diaper bag is packed, bottles and clothes have all been washed. All we have to do now is get the swing out and get the living room ready for her. Ally is excited and already talking about showing her her room. Pray for us that we get to bring Adalyn home where she belongs.

Fall With Ally....

We have been able to squeeze in a bunch of fun stuff in so far this fall. Of course you know I ALWAYS have my camera to catch the priceless moments of the coolest 3 year old ever! Here are just a few....

Pumpkin Patch....

Playin' it up in the leaves....

Halloween Chicken Stew & Trunk or Treat....